Shadows

The old man got his morning coffee just like he did every morning and went to his favorite chair on the porch. A habit made long a go with a mate that is now missing. Sitting and waiting to greet the morning. Another morning alone with no more adventures, but in boredom. This morning the warm sun would be hidden behind cold gray clouds. A morning made gloomy and depressing more so by a light drizzle of rain. His only hope for a ray of sunshine was a phone call from one of the kids.

He really didn’t expect a phone call or a visit. It had been years since he had seen his kids. They had all moved away and were busy about their lives now. Around the holiday he would get a few phone calls with wishing him a happy holiday or thanking them for the gifts he had sent. If he was lucky, he would get to talk to the grandkids. These few moments would energize him for a while and reassure him that he had been a good father and provider. Eventually though, the despair and the loneliness would creep back into the daily routine.

As the old man stared out across the yard the more melancholy he became. Gone were all his morning friends. The bird feeder was empty of the morning visitors all of whom the old man had named. The squirrels were hiding from view. Nothing moved in the neighborhood. Nothing was alive and old man wondered why he was the only one moving this morning. All served to remind him of all that was missing in his life. A life reduced to watching friends and family slipping away one-by-one.

As the rain became harder and the light faded a bit more, the old man thought about how his light was fading and would soon go out. At that thought he tipped his cup and drained the last few drops only to see another ending. He let out a sign of defeat and got up from the comfort of his chair and went inside for second cup of coffee.

As he was pouring his coffee, a strange thought occurred to him. With a little anticipation, he finished stirring in his sweetener and picked up his cup. The old man broke the long tradition and did not go back to his chair. Instead, he turned down the hallway to where his children had played long ago. He had not visited this part of the house since his wife had died.

As he turned into the hallway, he paused to look it over. It was apparent that this part of the house was unused. The hardwood floors had a sheen of dust covering them. Cobwebs had formed in the corners of the hallway. Overall, it had an eerie haunted house appearance. All that was missing was a ghost or two to finish the affect, but maybe it was ghost that had kept the old man out of this part of the house all these years.

The old man continued to the first room on the right and opened the door to his first-born son’s room. The room had long since been used as a storage room. Still, the old man saw past the boxes and junk and saw the first time he had checked on him as a baby sleeping after bringing him home. As the shadows of the past started to roll by, a Christmas comes into focus. A young boy helping and encouraging dad putting a rocking horse together. A young boy yells “tightener down dad” the boy yells creating a grin on the old mans face. More images pass before the old man’s eyes as the boy grows into a teen and then a young man and leaves home. As his son leaves the house, the shadows of the past faded and the old man closes the bedroom door.

Across the hall was his second son’s room. Like the first, the room was no longer the bedroom of a child but was just an extra bedroom that no one had slept in it for years. The walls empty expect for a couple of paintings his wife picked up in a yard sale. Dust and cobwebs collecting in a room that hadn’t seen a person in years. As he stood in the doorway, the old man went through images again. Seeing the first time he brought his second son home caused a tear and a smile to his face. There was just something special about bring a baby home, even for dad.

As the shadows of events passed by, he saw all of the birthdays, Christmas’s and all the events in a child’s life. A small chuckle escapes as he remembers when they allowed their son to pick the colors to his room and to help paint it. It was the envy of all the freshmen high school boys and the horror to their parents. As he looked over the hideous color scheme and geometric shapes, “it’s only paint” he says. The images moved on and he finally sees his son leave the house and the old man closed the door on more shadows of memories.

Next, the old man went down the hall to the last bedroom. Here he had to pause before opening the door. The flood of emptions along with a sense of anticipation and fear almost overwhelmed him. The anticipation of memories was exciting, but it was the fear of that really caused the pause at the door. Fear that he would see a shadow of himself. His lost soul searching and not finding. Fear that he would find a ghost of his wife or was it fear that he would not? What if his wife was nothing more than a vague shadow? Then he would be truly alone within and without.

At last, he grasped the door knob and swung open the door to all of his wife’s hobby and craft work. All of it still cluttering the room just the way she left it the night she passed a way. The memory brought another tear to his eye as remembered his soul mate of so many years. He can see her busy about her work as he sneaks up from behind to steal a kiss, a regular ritual throughout the day. He felt his face flush at the memory as the emotions well up and the tears slide down the cracks in his cheeks and fall to the floor. A sense of relief comes as he realizes that she is not completely gone, and that she is still with him.

Thoughts turn to a time when he painted the room for another new baby, his daughter. Daughters have a way of stealing a dad’s heart like no other person. As the shadows of past events flowed past his eyes, he saw her first boyfriend and the first heart break. The first dance and the first time he realized she was no longer his little girl, causing yet another tear of joy to run down his face. As she left the home like her siblings, he closed the door to the room and the last of the shadows of the past.

As he walked down the hallway and to his chair on the porch, he thought of what a grand adventure he had had with his children. He was proud of them and loved them all deeply, deeper than they could image. Part of him wished he could start over and relive those adventures. It was during those adventures that he felt alive and full of purpose.

He made it back to his chair in better spirits than before, but it seemed that there was still something missing. That something was not his soul mate of fifty years or his children; it was something much more personal and deeper. It was like not being alive and that his only purpose was to wait and die. This soon caused his melancholy to return, and he slide down in his chair matching the mood.

As he sat in his own puddle of emotions and watched the rain, he heard some yelling across the street. He looked up and saw that a frustrated mother was yelling at a little boy to come in out of the rain. But the boy was too busy splashing in the puddles and having too grand of a time to hear her. An escaped little boy and a frustrated young mother was the funniest thing that he had seen in days. The old man started laughing so hard at a frustrated young mother and muddy little boy that he almost fell out of his chair.

The old man could not contain himself and jumped up and went out into the rain and to the little boy. The little boy by this time was splashing in a rather large puddle. As the old man reached the boy, he asked him “can I share your puddle?” Standing there looking down at the boy, the old man smiled waiting for a response and thinking “is this what grandchildren are like? Someone for old people to play with?” The boy was about the same age as some of his grandchildren. He had a brown tee-shirt and brown pants on thanks to the mud and rain. His hair was soaking wet and muddy along with his face and everything else.

The little boy looked a bit surprised and turned a wary eye up at the old man. Not really knowing what to say, he said “sure there’s room.” At that the old man jumped right into the middle of the puddle with both feet soaking both in the process. They both gave out large and hardy laughs and headed to the next puddle.

The mother just shook her head and laughed at the spectacle of the two kids playing in the rain. She watched the boys from the window and wonder what came over her neighbor.

After a while, the little boy was tired and said goodbye to the old man. As he reached the door, he turned and asked if he could come out and play later. The old man laughed and grinned real big and said sure, come and get me I would love to. The boy ran in the door muddy and soaking wet causing another large grin on the old man. He was remembering when his boys came in muddy causing frustration from a mother.

Back on the porch in dry clothes with a warm cup of tea, the old man looked out at the rain and thought what a great day this has been. He could not wait till tomorrow for the next big adventure.